3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Randomize
