I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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