remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
