I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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