im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
