Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
