That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
