Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He shit in the fireplace
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
