How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
