I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
