I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
