Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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