Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
