I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
