I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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