You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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