The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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