im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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