Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
