We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
