I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
