I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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