I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
