yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
