how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
