if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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