I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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