I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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