i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
