you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
