dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
is wine microwaveable?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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