How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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