Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
