I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
