Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
