hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
