it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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