so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
In other news, I just burned my penis
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
