Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
