he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
