the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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