my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
