Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
