if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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