Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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