Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Be still, my beating vagina.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
