How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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