help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
