all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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