I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
