So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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