I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
